Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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