Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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