fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
