i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
