Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
