I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Blood and glitter go together right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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