My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
