so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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