The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
