Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
