Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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