I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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