allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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