You can't motorboat a personality
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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