So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do herpes really smell.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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