Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
