I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
