I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
