So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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