Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize