i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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