remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
