if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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