he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
