i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
