Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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