My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
