You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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