i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
