we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
