I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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