I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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