I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
