there's paper in my vomit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
