About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So. Much. Porn.
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