i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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