If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
