Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
