I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
