"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
