He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
