it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
