he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
