Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
