You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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