Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
