fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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