Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
