Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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