Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
