you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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