if you like me you must not know who I am
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
