yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
