addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
