If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sarcasm needs its own font
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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