its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize