I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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