How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
