Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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