There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
