marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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