matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize