Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
