I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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