yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
