Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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