Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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