? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
