if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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