just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
