She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
