I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
