She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
