Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
