I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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