I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize