we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize