I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
