i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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