So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
