Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
