THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
