I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
