Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
