I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
