so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
