I think i peed on brittanys purse
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize