OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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