oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
