If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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