She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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