We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
