If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
