Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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