Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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