He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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