I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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